Sitting. Something I am not always good at. Whether in the literal or the spiritual sense. Why? Well, I could probably rattle off about ten reasons why I am not good at sitting still, but why am I so bad at it? I found myself journaling this exact question with the Lord, "How do I sit with you, God?" No response, but rather an arrow of direction pointed at His word. Ugh, my impatient flesh wanted a quick answer. Bummer. Looks like I'll have to take my time and read through His word for my breakthrough. Starting to realize that was the whole point...
I open to 1 Thessalonians. Expecting to get this glorious revelation. Reading. Actively searching for an answer to my question. And suddenly, I read the exact verse that my soul longed to read. Just kidding, that didn't happen. I read, and I read, and I read some more. And instead of finding a clear-cut answer, I hear crickets. Don't you love that? Haha, I am joking (mostly). What I found instead was about the characteristics of Christ that He challenges us to live out. In First Thessalonians chapter 2:4, we see what our motive should be to preach the Word of God- to please His heart, not man's. In First Thessalonians 3:12, we see that love should overflow in our hearts. In First Thessalonians 4:3-7, we are instructed to live in holiness toward the Lord, separating ourselves from the sexual impurity of this world, and to be consecrated by the Lord so that we do not compromise for any lesser lover. Finally, in First Thessalonians 5:16-17, it says that joy should be our "continual feast" (The Passion Translation) and that we should cultivate our lives as a prayer to the Lord. Why did these verses stick out rather than a black-and-white answer? I realized I was missing the forest for the trees. The fact of the matter is that when I am practicing these truths, it draws me to His stillness. When I live out holiness for His glory, when I extend the love of Christ to others as it was extended to me, when I intentionally separate myself from the lusts of this earth and seek His face, when I choose to nurture the joy in my life instead of waiting for it to come at the perfect timing- all of these things point me closer to Him. Point blank.
I could sit here and try to muster up a list of things that will help you and I sit with God. But the truth is, I love encountering the mystery of His presence in these questions of my heart. In the struggle, I find Him; in the struggle, I find the holiness of the season He has placed me in. This season, I am learning to sit with Him better. I am learning to deny myself. Which, if you have not denied yourself often, is, quite frankly, very uncomfortable. Stillness is really uncomfortable when your flesh constantly enjoys the thrill of the next best thing. I found myself asking how to sit with the Lord, because whenever the room grew silent in the morning as I got ready for work, or in the car on my commute, or at night as I got ready for bed, or whenever it was, there was this quietness that pinpricked my heart. Over and over, the Holy Spirit was pricking my heart to bleed for Him. It made my flesh squirm. My immediate reaction was to turn on something to fill the quietness, the stillness, the space to sit. I wasn't scared of being still. There was not necessarily a fear that arose in me, but rather an internal struggle between flesh and spirit. I kept pushing it aside. I kept choosing myself, yet labeling myself righteous to those around me. Ever still, I felt that familiar tug. His gentle presence was waiting for me to sit still, every morning in the silence. I could blame it on the busyness of my life, or the early morning hours that come with my job, but really, at heart, it was my stubbornness. I like having control. It feels great to know what's coming or what's next. This control cuts out any grey space of the unknown. The downside of control is that it can also erode our trust in the Lord. Bummer. It seems pretty straightforward typing this out, but when you are living it out, you look like a deer in headlights, dazed and confused, wondering why you feel stagnant. You realize how patient God is and how impatient you are. And while I could point out dozens of my imperfections in comparison to God, the fact of the matter is that learning how to sit with God is never a one-word answer. Or maybe it is, and I haven't reached that life lesson yet. Right now, learning to sit with God is simply about doing life with God. It's more about my ability to abide in Him consistently than about how I show up to sit with Him, with all my junk and all my question marks.
Sitting with God is one of those things that we as humans like to overcomplicate. Comparison creeps in and steals the wonder of the moment's simplicity. My internal dialogue spirals, "This moment does not seem or look as holy as that one Christian influencer or worship leader I saw on Instagram or Youtube," or "Why don't my prayers sound as good as that pastor, or that small group leader?" Que God laughing. If we were held to a certain word count or to the religiosity of our prayers and quiet time, I would have been labeled a failure a long time ago. God calls us to come, not perform. Matthew 6: 6-8 TPT, "But whenever you pray, go into your innermost chamber and be alone with Father God, praying to him in secret. And your Father, who sees all you do, will reward you openly. (V7) When you pray, there is no need to repeat empty phrases, praying like the Gentiles do, for they expect God to hear them because of their many words. There is no need imitate them, since your Father already knows what you need before you ask Him." To end this post, I'd like to remind myself and you all of the popular Christian adage, "God does not call the qualified, He qualifies the called." When did we start to believe the lie of perfectionism? God never expects us to do anything perfectly in life, because we are imperfect humans in need of a perfect Savior. He calls us to Himself because He loves us. He calls us to sit with Him, because He loves us. And today, I invite you to sit with Him.
