In the large aspect of eternity, this life is but a momentary pause in our journey to Him. Why does this life seem so overwhelming sometimes or even most times? Why does it feel like our humanness gets in the way every time of what God has for you? What does God have for you? These are just some of the questions that have wandered in my head in my walk with Christ. Human frustration and striving can be such a learned behavior, especially in the Western society. Being human comes natural because it is our innate response of the flesh. We were all born imperfect sinners into a broken and hurting world in need of a perfect and whole Savior. I still find myself being completely honest with the Lord and asking Him why some things are so difficult on this side of Heaven. Sometimes He responds, and some things He has yet to given me an answer on. Either way, I have determined His response to my question marks about life does not determine His faithfulness and His goodness, nor will it deter my pursuit of Him. Read that sentence again. That is a hard truth to receive and swallow. It is not always as easy to practice what you preach. Honestly, most times I feel like I get challenged most in the area I preach on sometimes, haha. But even in all of this, it still doesn't take the sting of the question away, "Why is life so hard?"
Growing up, I most definitely had a "Type A" personality. I strived for perfection in everything I did. Sometimes to prove something to others, sometimes to prove something to myself. The striving of my younger years planted a lot of unhealthy seeds that I would come to learn would take a lot of healing to pull up. As I grew in my faith and devotion to the Lord, and learned to surrender the opinion of man (still learning how to do this), I realized the hold that it had on me and I did not even realize it. Striving is a form of a self-sabotage that blinds you with the opinions of others. It will sabotage you in the secret place because your mind is so pre-occupied with the vanity of this life. In Ecclesiastes 1, verse 2 it says, " 'Vanity of vanities,' says the Preacher; 'Vanity of vanities, all is vanity.' " Everything is passing away, everything is temporary in this life. So this poses the question, "Why do I stress myself trying to understand the futility of this life?" At the end of the day, the reason to why this life is so hard and the reason does not matter, for the reward of the Lamb is far greater than my understanding. My flesh fights the reality of this, but my spirit knows that Heaven is my home. We see this in Galatians 3, verse 16 through 18, "I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law."
I do not think it is by accident that the Lord allows mysteries to be present. There is an element of faith that has to come into play when our human minds are unable to grasp things too great for our understanding. For if we understood and grasped everything, why would we depend on the Lord? This is not to say, that we depend on the Lord only to be able to understand the things of this life better, but rather in our friendship with Christ, He provides His peace to fill our spirits and to rest in Him. "Now faith is the substance of of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen, "But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him" - Hebrews 11, verse 1-3 & 6.
If you feel that you are a problem, I want you to ask the Lord what He thinks of you. I want you to look into the mirror, and ask the Lord how He views you as His beloved child. Ask Him if there is something prohibiting you from entering deeper into your walk and friendship with Him. Ask Him to expose any impure thing in your heart, but then invite Him in to heal and to restore you. Invite Him in to mend the hurt of your heart with His presence. I have believed the lie in the past that I will not get out of the cycle of self-sabotaging my walk with the Lord and that I always would do something wrong to pull me away from Him. The truth of the matter is that He will never stop pursuing you. I had to embrace this truth myself. It sounds simple, but until you experience the mercy and the grace that He extends to you, just like the prodigal son running back to his father waiting for him on the porch, you will not understand the weight that it carries. Today I want you to know that you can live a devoted life of adoration to the beautiful Creator that knit you together. Welcome the Lord into your heart to debunk the lies that you might have believed for so long. For He is worthy to receive every part of us, and He will be worthy forever more. Be blessed friends.
